I Am Fu&k%ng Powerful! By Shannon

This girl in this picture was 9 years old. This girl was so beautiful, hilarious, vibrant, smart, helpful and loving. She also wasn’t what society told her was acceptable to look like. She got made fun of and excluded and left behind many times. She endured trauma and had her heart broken and was unseen and felt like her light and vibrancy was too much for most. She cared so deeply for others and wanted to fix things. She was a child. She was joy.

I have been so used to beating people to the punch all of my life. To point out my imperfections so others couldn’t hurt me. Trying to shield myself. I always have and am still a superhero when it comes to self awareness and hyper vigilant in finding the flaws. With this power comes great strength as I really can’t be hurt by others if I already know what my lack is or if I make fun of myself first. I feel that being able to make fun of ourselves, not always taking life so seriously, is an important skill and it’s ok to recognize and speak about ourselves in our wholeness warts and all. But I also recognize how this has also been such a self-fulfilling prophecy. I have focused a lot of energy on my weaknesses and not as much on my strengths. I have been so hard on myself and have talked down to myself and have been very unloving at times.

Recently I lead a group of women in a full moon circle for the lunar eclipse. Afterwards I had a few friends that were in attendance, who have known me long enough, express to me how they’ve never seen me in that light before. How I glowed in my role as the teacher and the leader and they had no idea that part of me existed. And it’s true. I am a leader. I am fucking powerful! (My current mantra I have written down where I can see in my day). However this is a side of me I don’t show very often. How together I actually am and how much I do know and what great things I am capable of. It’s much scarier for me to show where I shine and more vulnerable to celebrate my wins for the fear of it all crumbling down and being taken away from me like it did so many times before. I know we need to look to the dark to see the light and I have looked my friends! I have looked and dug and keep digging. But there comes a time when we can stop digging and start shining. I know I will always be digging but I’ve made enough space now to shine at the same time. To be the powerful being that I am. The last thing my inner child needs is to be made fun of by the person who is to love her the most. She deserves to be seen for how amazing she truly is.

So, Shanny, my little love, I am so sorry for putting you down. For making you feel like you had to be less than and shrink to make others comfortable. You are so brilliant and I’m grateful that I get to re-parent you and be the one that would never abandon you and never see you for less than the powerhouse that you are.

My friends, what stories have you been telling yourself? Where can you love your inner child a little bit more today?”- Shannon of nosuchthingasaquickfix